Shifting Your Mindset to Gratitude
A journal sits on a table with the quote “Think of the things you have to do and try reframing them as things you get to do.”
The Buddha teaches that when something painful happens, we are struck by one arrow — the unavoidable pain. But then we often shoot ourselves with a second arrow — the mental suffering layered on top: resentment, self-pity, “this shouldn’t be happening.” Below is my own story about avoiding that second arrow.
Years ago, I went to culinary school to become a pastry chef – one of the hardest disciplines in the culinary field. School was intense but I graduated top of my class! And then I got sick. Shortly after graduation, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and later connective tissue disease. The doctors all said the same thing – doing pastry would be too hard on my body.
I found myself at a crossroad in life. I had to find a new dream and a new career. I would have to slow down, and I’d have to give up things I loved. Rather than focusing on what I had to do, I decided to look at this as an opportunity – what I get to do instead. I get to discover new passions and explore other things I’m good at. I get to learn new hobbies that I might not have found. I get to see all the compassion I have received from those who've helped and supported me as I live with these health conditions.
When I changed my mindset like this, I found a sense of gratitude naturally arose and I avoided the second arrow. I did mourn the loss of my health and career aspirations, but I also gained so much! I learned to knit and embroider. I’ve been able to pursue new opportunities for work. Having a slower pace allows me to be more present. Even though I have these illnesses, I get to be alive! I was able to take this challenging situation and transform it into something positive.
This practice isn’t for just those big life changing moments. We can start small with little everyday things. Think of the things you have to do and try reframing them as things you get to do. For example:
I have to go to work. → I get to participate in something that sustains my life and connects me to others.
I have to deal with this difficult person. → I get to explore something about my own reactions, thoughts, and feelings.
I have to exercise. → I get to inhabit a body that can move.
I have to clean the house. → I get to create a comfortable and welcoming space for myself and my loved ones.
This isn't about pretending hard things aren’t hard. The first arrow can be quite painful and difficult. But we can avoid the second arrow by acknowledging the challenge while highlighting the benefits and opportunities. So, the next time you find yourself grumbling about what you have to do, take a moment to reframe it—and watch how your world transforms.
